DOCTOR VISIT # 11/DIARY

SUMMER 2014

[CAUTION: raw photo]

As I sat typing notes on my iPhone, waiting… in the great scheme of things I don’t even try to understand what the purpose is to all of this… 

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My sister texted me comfort after I had the mastectomy.

I do know I‘m more sympathetic to other people’s pain than I’ve ever been.  Not that I didn’t care before, but it’s just not the same when you are healthy and no such awful thing happened to you to compare their pain to.

Writing notes on my iPhone. My chest hurts like hell after the injection today.  Bending, turning, leaning over feels like a hot bowling ball stuck in my chest… stabbing pain.  Hard to take a deep breath, pressure on my breastbone.  With over 500cc’s of saline injections, I look halfway normal now with clothes on.  My skin is stretched so tight around the plastic expander inside my chest cavity.  I want to RIP IT OUT!

MastView
one month after the last saline injection; waiting for implants transfer surgery scheduled

Loud music in my head drowns out pain like the wine that flows too easily. Running from truth, digging, talking in circles leads me to write in search of what I need to learn.

Disgust with the world dissolves with my many prayers resolving faith in my family. Life happens.

Night time …an embrace is food for healing — it’s time for those happy tears of satisfaction. I am learning ‘needy’ is not bad.

Sometimes I can’t control the ache in my heart, with a twisted smile and a crack in my voice, on the verge of tears.

I am not alone.

 

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